a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
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