there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
