dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
