He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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