So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
