took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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