the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
