im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
