You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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