Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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