hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
