thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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