I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
