my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
