All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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