My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
