NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
