Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
