I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
