your parents love me but you hate me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Damn victory sex feels great
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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