Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
