Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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