Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We have so much sex to catch up on
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
