Your dad touched me again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
