i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
