I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
