I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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