The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
