My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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