i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
