just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
