Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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