Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
