Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
