Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
