I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
