he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
