I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
