Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
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Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize