i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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