Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
