The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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