I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
