She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
