Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
