I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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