Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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