Yo dont text me then not text me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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