what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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