meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
