wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
