in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
