i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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