Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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