You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
