he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
