So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
