I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
