Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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