if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
