Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
