i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
