Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
