i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
